butterflys

What can I say, I've been in Moose Jaw for not even one full day yet. I feel very scared and would like to come home where I know everything. Today has been ok, I have a job.... already. At a day care getting payed more then I thought I would. I start Thrusday and its only going to be 3 hrs a night, which is good gives me time to study alittle before and alittle after work.
I dont know. I am very scared and worried that I have gotten myself into something thats way over my head. I know I will learn lots about God and life in this time, but I still dont like the feelign its bringing up in me.

On another Note I passed my Drivers Test YAY

fast note

THigns here are busy busy, I am packing, spending time with friends, Shopping for supplies and driving around so I am ready for my test. which is tomorrow (Aug 29th), I am scared for it. i always hated the day my practicum teachers came to watch me and I wont be liking this guy judging me on my driving, since i will be scared out of my mind and second guessing myself.
God is with me.

More to come next time I am able to use the Computer

Just Breath

Gods creation is breath taking. The colors of the sky and trees, the fresh sent of rain, the beauty of Gold Finches and Humming Birds the stars, sun and moon. God spoke everything into creation and it was. That is just beyond words. Have you ever just breathed in creation?

On another note I am leaving for Bible College in a short few days. I am scared right now, but I know once I go and do it I will be fine. I am hoping people here don’t forget me and that they phone me, send me letters and/or care packages.
I hope I do alright I have never been away from home for more then 3 weeks. I need my mom and dad still, what am I going to do? What have I gotten my self into? An adventure I am sure

Why

Am I wrong to feel that my Church is suffering? that its not all that it should be? that we are hindering God from moving?

Is it wrong for me to feel that my lead pastor is not doing all he could be and that the vision they have is a step above where we need to be working on first?

Why am I the only one that sees this? Why am I shot down when I speak up about this? Why do people say that their has been big changes in church, all of which I can see as new carpet and sanctuary update, no prayer time in service to pray for needs, no alter time, only fluffy puffy sermons none that will challenge us to live better and to become more like Christ?

Is it wrong for me to want to get to feel God while I worship and be able to wait in it with out having to move on so fast?
Is it wrong for me to want better messages?
Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

How come others say God is moving through the sermon? I don’t see it I don’t feel it, I know others who are Godly Mature women of God want more and feel the same as me?

Why are the People who are leaders in Ministry not seeing this?
Are they blind to the fact that nothings happening in Church, that we are just playing the past? Or do they want to believe that what they are doing is making a difference? Or are they right and I am wrong?

Why are almost all churches today wanting more of God? Is it wrong to want to get more out of church?
It’s a two way street we give, but God also provides for us to. If we give and give at Church and never get anything we will burn out.
What in the world is going on?????

How come Christians are feelings empty when they leave Church? Shouldnt we feel Full of God and ready to get more of Him the next day????

Why am I feeling like this? why do people think I am wrong?

For better or Worse, I don’t know which it is.

I’m going to go to school on the 29th so its one more week of work but less one then if I went for the 5th. Oh well, My moms going to drive me down. But the other night fear just surge throughout body. I honestly wanted to cry, I had no idea what I have gotten myself into. Will I be able to do everything I have to do and have time to do what I want to on the side (which isn’t much)? Will I be able to achieve good marks, or will I struggle to get a decent mark? How will I do living away from home for 8 months? Will I get a job?
I know that once I am there doing it I will be fine but right now I am going nuts Excited and scared all at once, I don’t like rides that make me feel like that at the fair so why am I doing this to myself eh.
I just want everything to be in place and know what to expect before I go.

ups and downs and all confused

So much stuff is going on, its beginning to be over whelming….

First my grandma isn’t doing well now, since she broke her hip they put a poll in her leg. The surgery went well but now the poll moved and is making her leg shorter, there are a few different options we (the Family) can go with. Like taking the poll out and putting in a bigger one which in the long run will most likely allow her leg bone to break easier and faster. Do nothing which may allow the poll to move more which will mean they will have to take it out. And a few others. This is all very stressful on the whole family. At the moment we are looking at doing nothing and waiting to see the results of the X-Ray and see what the doctor thinks after he see what is really happening.

Second, I got accepted into Bible College, YAY… but I am scared about going, and worried about almost everything. The over whelming part of this is when I should leave to go. You see they have a week called employment week in which you can go and live at the school for free while you look for job for the school year. My mom saying that I have to go for that week because they will not take me the weekend I would have to go if I didn’t, because they will be at camp. And my current boss would like me to stay till the very last possible day I could, I am torn because if I stayed I would get more pay then if I left earlier which will help me, but if I leave to go early then I kind of get a holiday before I start school and will be able to look for a job. My boss wants me to stay (get paid more, but not way there) and my Mom wants me to go early (less pay, holiday of some sorts). And I don’t know what to do. How will I get to school if I choose to stay till move in day? Do I go for employment week for one reason which would be for the fact that that’s when my mom will only drive me?