Crashing Down

Out of nowhere the punches come, landing one after another, again and again. The force throwing me to the ground as they continue to come down on me, an end nowhere in sight.

The thoughts of ugly, fat, not wanted, unattractive, poor teacher, failure, stupid, slow to speech, dumb, bad friend, stupid, pour in on me with the force of a waterfall crashing down.


Helplessly I struggle to stay afloat to just keep my head above and survive, to find one last sliver of hope to grasp onto. The desire to get out is crushed with each new wave that keeps flooding in, my strength is spent, my sight is clouded, encouragement lost.

Holding on to the little I have left, I float and wait.

The Last 5 weeks

In the last 5 weeks since I have been home, I have started working right away and very much am enjoying my time there. Yes it’s hard at times but there are good times too. I am cleaning out my rooms and tossing lots.... feels good but I am at the point where I don’t want to clean anymore.
I am going to young adults and helping out at youth. Some old stuff at church. Hanging out with my friends and getting together with new ones and ones I haven’t seen in forever.

I’ve been up and down spiritually and emotionally in these last 5 weeks also. Lots of feelings of loneliness, and some other things I have always struggled with over the years. Its stupid things that keep coming up again, but do cut me deep. I know that I have a bunch of friends here so I am not lonely lonely, but my hearts desire is to be married and start a family…. And I am lonely in that way. I do realize that God will bring the right man around in His time, but right now a lot of my friends are dating, getting married or having babies, Its hard not to ask when will it ever be my time. Waiting is hard. But by the end of summer I believe it will be better, all the weddings will be done. I will be settled into my new routine.

So that’s Sarah for now.
Keep me in prayer please much is needed and wanted